i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
