Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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