Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize