What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
