I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
All the doctor said was why
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
