He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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