I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
