when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
