hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
