i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I will pee on everything he values.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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