i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
