I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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