So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
