this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
