Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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