On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
whose parrot is this?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
