so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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