I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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