The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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