he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
