Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
