I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
