So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
