then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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