His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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