Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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