I like to think it a success when the cops are called
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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