its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
