how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
