drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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