Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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