So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
