Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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