You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
