That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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