Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Pants are for mortals
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
