he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
