Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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