I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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