i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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