her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
