ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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