when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
