I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
