I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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