I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
