They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
