Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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