this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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