In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
