Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
