There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize