Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
