I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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