I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
