I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im holly from the hills drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
