she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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