WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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