i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm jealous of your bromance
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
