I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
