my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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