Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
