I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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