His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
