margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
