I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
