i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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